Loofah Etiquette.

I was reminded of a story one night drinking with a few friends of mine that I chose to share with them. It was an incident that happened while taking a shower with my ex-wife. It involved the “LOOFAH”.
I was the traditional soap and rag kinda shower patron, Old school. Well the Ex bought me a loofah and said it will “exfoliate” my skin. Well little did I know “exfoliate” literally meant “Rip”. I couldn’t wait to come out of the shower looking like I had just wrestled in a patch of Vietnamese jungle blade grass. I have very sensitive skin.

So the bitch decided to join me in a very rare occasion of joint showering. Whoa, what?! What’s just happened outside of this shower? Did the most of the water disappear from Earth, like that shitty movie, “Solarbabies”? I can’t even roller skate! Why is this happening to me? This is my shower, my time to think! What if I wanted to step out and take a mid shower crap?! You know, the kind that leaves a big wet ring on the seat! I already sleep on the couch, do you want me to start bathing in the kitchen sink?!


When it comes to showering I’m all business. There is a lot of hair to scrub. I went first with the loofah and scrubbed pretty damn hard, since now my body has built calluses. After making sure I was good and scrubbed I proceeded to hand over the loofah, in what seemed an eternity for her to grab it from me. I opened my so newly soap rinsed eyes to see a disgusted look on her face. The conversation went like this.

“What’s wrong?”
“Have you been washing like that the whole time?”
“That is gross.”
“You washed your ass then your face!”

Okay, until this point I’ve never noticed. I was a little embarrassed. A little, I don’t need a freaking lesson on how to wash up, this was a simple oversight and was no excuse to leave me for my best friend and hide the fact that our son was not mine! She needs to learn some Loofah etiquette!


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